My CareBear is coming home!!!!

Jay and I have been Skyping about 3 times a week since I got back to SC,  I love being able to see him as well as hear him. Things have changed so much as far as communication goes since the early days of our marriage and Jay being deployed or on a temporary duty (TDY) away from home, in the beginning we had no computers or cell phones, we had to schedule moral calls once a week or so and could only talk for 15 minutes maximum. Yes! I am old :-) Now it's so different, so much easier for separated families to keep in touch, no matter where in the world they go. Today I skyped with Jay all the way to Afghanistan, apart from the 9 hour time difference he could have been sitting here with me in this room, I love it! I get to skype with Nathan our oldest son and his wife Becky in Hawaii at least once a week, it brings them so much closer to 'home'.

So, to my much awaited news! Finally, Jay is coming home! YES!!!
Yesterday he emailed me that he is going to be on a flight back to the US on Tuesday! He said he was hoping that because of the time difference he may still get to SC on the same day, I was ecstatic, that is the day before our 25th anniversary, I was just over the moon that we could be together for our special day. Then this morning while skyping, he said that there are no flights out of Maryland to SC after 8pm on Tuesday, he doesn't get in until 8pm, so he had decided that he wasn't going to sit in MD overnight and was going to drive to SC from there! 10 hours driving through the night after travelling all day! I told him I didn't really like that plan, even though it meant I would get to see him early Wednesday morning. I know he just wants to get home, but his travelling home actually starts tomorrow (Sunday) that is when he actually leaves Kandahar, so it is actually a lot more than one day and I know he won't get much sleep. As it turned out, it wasn't Jay's decision, his commander here in SC vetoed the driving idea, they told him they wouldn't order him not to drive, but they didn't like it, Jay will still be here for most of our Anniversary, but he doesn't land here until just after noon. I am so excited to have him home I can hardly sit still, I have shopped for all his favorite foods, snacks etc, I am planning on cooking/freezing a couple of his favorite meals, making his ice tea, home made lemonade, I just want everything that he has missed for the last 5 months to be here waiting for him. There are lots of things we have both missed, but I think the biggest thing for me is just him being present, sharing our every day routines, looking across the room and just seeing him sitting there, going to sleep and waking up next to him, that bed sure is big without him in it:) I also miss things like him driving us everywhere (he loves to drive) him changing out the heavy water cooler bottles etc, those little things that he does for me. He is my best friend and I am really looking forward to having him back!

I have already started talking to a few RV dealerships to let them know what we are looking for, we want (or would like) to find an RV between 36 and 40 ft long, space is important as this will be our permanent home, I want at least 2 slides, a separate table/chair dining area, not a Boothe type one, one couch and at least one recliner, a walk around bedroom area, separate toilet from the shower room, preferably an oven instead of convection microwave, no carpet in the kitchen dining area.........and the 'wishlist' goes on! No telling if we will be able to find what we want, but we will hopefully get most of it, the biggest thing is that we want a diesel pusher, not gas. From what I have seen so far in the dealers ads, we are looking to spend no more that $60,000 and don't want anything older than a 2000 model year, Jay is already excited about going out and getting inside a couple of the ones we have researched, I have done so much research on RVs and the full time lifestyle that I could probably fill a book! But it is all going to be worth it when we find our dream home on wheels!

It has been a good week and next week is going to be even better! We can finally get on our path to living our dream, I will keep this Blog updated with all our RV searching and hopefully can help anyone else out there that is dreaming too :-)

I may even post a few pics on here after Jay gets home and shows me how lol.
be back soon.........
huggs kim x

Moving forward

One of my best friends back home in the UK sent me this poem today. Thank you Debbie, love you sweety :-)

Don’t Tell Me


Please don’t tell me you know how I feel,

Unless you have lost your child too.
Please don’t tell me my broken heart will heal,

Because that is just not true.
Please don’t tell me my son is in a better place,
Though it is true, I want him here with me.
Don’t tell me someday I’ll hear his voice, see his face,
Beyond today I cannot see.

Dont tell me it is time to move on,
Because I cannot.

Dont tell me to face the fact he is gone,
Because denial is something I can’t stop.
Don’t tell me to be thankful for the time I had,

Because I wanted more.
Don’t tell me when I am my old self you will be glad,
I’ll never be as I was before.

What you can tell me is you will be here for me,
That you will listen when I talk of my child.
You can share with me my precious memories,
You can even cry with me for a while.

And please don’t hesitate to say his name,
Because it is something I long to hear everyday.
Friend please realize that I can never be the same,
But if you stand by me,

You may like the new person I become someday.


I know a few of my blog readers were a little worried about me after my last blog, I appreciate the concern and I'm sorry if it was tough to read. I wasn't in a good place when I wrote it, I am doing so much better now! My wonderful family practise nurse suggested I might benefit from talking to a grief counsellor. At first I wasn't really open to that idea, I was just waiting on my usual supportive best friend to get home and knew that he was all the help I needed. Well, after talking to a few friends, family that know me pretty well, I went to see "Miss Pat" She is so sweet, she let me cry, talk, get angry, cry some more! She helped me put the pieces together and I started to see that I had actually started the grieving process over again when I returned home to Charleston, from Canada. It was almost like the process had been 'paused' while I was there, but as soon as I walked into our house in Charleston, alone, the 'play' button was hit and so was I, I have been home for almost a month now and I am doing a whole lot better! Still waiting on Jay to get home, but getting closer to that every day :-) I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that he will get home in time for us to celebrate our 25 years together on May 23rd, but I am also prepared to celebrate a few days later if we have too.

I am looking forward to seriously starting our search for our home on wheels! We are both excited to start turning our "planning a dream" into living our dream!....................................to be continued :-)
huggs Kim x

What's ABBA got to do with anything?

Well, if you were here, you would have been listening to a medelay of ABBA for the last few hours! Chris, Tina's hubby is (with 3 friends) going to surprise his daughter's 4 H group with a parent "lipsync" version of ABBA's greatest hits!! I for one can't wait till the 13th to watch them do it:-) They are planning on surprising the 4H group, by putting on this 'adult' rendition, after the younger group of 4H have given us all a very fun evening of lipsyncing to an assortment of their favorite (or easier) musical groups!

Can you guys ever remember being part of a club like this? I don't even think they had anything close in the Uk while I was working my way up to being an adult! They had 'youth club' but that was just an excuse for us teenagers to get out of the chores at home that night :-) Anyway, I am looking forward to seeing the parents make an absolute a** of themselves that night! Should be fun:-)

So, I have another 9 days till I get my flight home, it's easy to think I can't wait to get on my way, but honestly, I am wondering if this is going to be pretty rough! I haven't spent a night in the rental by myself since Matthew passed, it is certainly  going to be a "learning/coping' process for me. The first thing I will see as I walk in the door, will be Matthew's ashes box:-( it's a little different to having his picture by my bedside.  Thinking that it could be a month before Jay gets home is not making this any easier either, how are you supposed to accept the loss of your child? I saw a show on tv last night about a lady that went to grief counselling after her husband died in an accident, she was advised to look in the mirror and tell herself " I am a widow", ok, so what do I say to myself in the mirror? There is no 'word' for a parent that loses a child! it's not the norm', I feel like I shouldn't tell anyone, they feel really bad that they can't say something that will make you feel better, I get it! But do I have to try and make sense of this by myself? I don't think I can.........
huggs Kim x

Thinking ahead...

Well, it is now March 22nd. Just over three more weeks here in Canada and I will be flying 'home' to North Charleston, SC.

There are reasons to look forward to going back, it will be nice to be back in my comfort zone, sleep in my own bed, stay in my PJ's all day if I want too :-) Do my own thing and not have to consider anyone else while doing it. I am ready to go back now, it has been great being able to visit the In Laws in California for 3 weeks, and definitely feel very welcome here in Canada with Chris and Tina and family. They have really helped me get through the tough times and my "Matthew moments'.

I think that is the only reason that I may wish I were staying here longer, or at least until Jay is going to be back home too, I haven't spent any time in the house by myself, since we lost our Matthew, I know I will be fine and if I need too I can always call a friend to come over and visit for a while, I think Jay is more worried about me than I am, after all I am a grown up, well I try:-) Hopefully it will only be about three weeks until Jay gets there, he still doesn't know and probably won't until the end of April.

I have been doing a lot of reading online, especially the RV forums and a lot of blogs written by full timers. There are some really good ones out there, I will eventually put links to some on here, maybe even some photos, just have to wait for Jay the tech' guy to help me with that! Anyway, as I was saying, I am learning a lot about workcamping, I hadn't realised that there are so many opportunities to earn some extra money whilst travelling, it all sounds very cool, we could volunteer our time at a State park etc, where our 'payment' would be a full hook up (FHU) that would include water/electric/sewer, the volunteer hours are usually around 20 per week per couple, so that would give us plenty of time to explore the areas outside the park and to do whatever we needed to do outside of those hours, that sounds ideal to me, it would cut out the biggest cost of RVing, which is the campground fees, perfect!

Then there is the other kind of workcamping, this is a bit more like a 'real' job, you have to commit to more hours actually working, most of these jobs are in RV camp grounds (CG) during the busy seasons, depending on which area in the US they are would dictate when they are busy. You would work on different areas in the CG, in the office taking reservations etc, in the grounds keeping it tidy, showing campers to their site, or cleaning buildings, working in the store etc. Most CG's would give you a FHU for a certain amount of hours per week, and then pay $$ for any extra hours they need you. This sounds good if you need the money and they usually need you from either April to September, or September to March, obviously you can chose jobs in areas you want to be, there is a website that you can put a resume stating what you are willing to do, when/where etc. and any experience you have. Jay says that he would prefer to be in the position where he doesn't have to take a job because he 'needs' extra money, but where he would take one because he 'wants' too, well yeah, that would be ideal, but I am willing to accept that we may have to earn some extra cash occasionally, especially if we have any unplanned maintenance that crops up on the RV, that is not unheard of :-)

Every time I talk to Jay now, he is starting to sound more excited about starting this adventure! He was saying tonight that he just wants to get home and start looking at RV dealerships in SC and having a look at what is out there that will work for us, I have my 'list' of must haves, and would likes, also a few of the not necessary, but would be nice! I think I have written half a notepad full of things I am learning about on the RV forums, Jay will laugh when he sees it! He always laughs at my lists :-) It will be fun though, I am excited about finding our 'new home'.

Take care of you, huggs Kim x

Spring Forward!

Last night we put the clocks forward, I think that is like saying it's almost Spring? Considering that I am in Canada and the kind of weather I was expecting here, I am wondering what happened to Winter?

Don't get me wrong, there has been snow and occasionally lots of it, it hasn't stuck around for too long though, a couple of days, a week at most. From what I am reading on blogs, forums etc, it's been a pretty mild Winter everywhere this year. I'm hoping that doesn't mean a long hot Summer, I can give or take the higher temps, it's the humidity I don't like. In Charleston we can have high 80's with 100% humidity! That's just too much for me! Along with the heat comes the Mozzies (Mosquitoes) They tend to like me, at least they like my blood! Not sure why, but I can be in a big group of people and be the only one they feast on! I have tried all sorts of repellents, sprays, oils, battery operated things that attach to a belt, even the 'old wives tale' ones that say eating garlic etc will help. No, not so far, but I am open to suggestions :-)

So, to get back on track, today was a lovely sunny day here in Okotoks, Canada. Chris and Tina (the friends I am visiting here) are and have been 'Geo-cache' enthusiasts for quite a while. I had no idea what it was, but I was assured I would enjoy finding out. It was really a lot of fun! It's apparently popular all over the World! Just shows how informed I am huh? Anyway, we set off in the truck with a hand held GPS, a box of 'goodies' and the I phones. Chris had already planned which caches we were going to search for, there is a website that you can go too online, that lets you put in your zip code (GPS location) and you will get a list of caches in your search area. Chris came up with 5. We followed the clues to the first one, it was by a beautiful river, without the GPS coordinates it's probably a lot harder to find the Caches, and with it, it's a little too easy, but you still have to hunt the cache box down, once you are in exactly the right spot! It took a few minutes to find it, it was well hidden off the path and in the roots of a big tree, it was a small round box with duct tape around it, inside was a little book and some little trinket type items. Other people had found this cache previously and left items for others to find. Not everyone leaves something, but you can chose to remove an item, put something in, or just leave a note in the little booklet, to say you found it and write a few words to say if it was an easy find etc.

We carried on going to all 5 sites that Chris had chosen, we found 3 out of the 5, some were kind of easy, obviously 2 of them weren't, but it was good fun trying! I am thinking that this is something that Jay could really get into, it sounds ideal for people that travel in RVs or even if you don't. I can't believe I hadn't heard of it before. As always happens though, I googled 'Geo-caching' after we got back to the house and it was everywhere! Great fun though, definitely something I will educate Jay on :-)

I am still researching everything that I can find on Full time RVing, all the blogs I can find that are written by people already living the life, the forums that have members that answer all my questions, even before I ask them! Jay is still getting at least a dozen emails a day with links to 'the perfect RV' for us! I just want him to come home, so we can actually go inside some of them and see what will suit us both. At least we are past the halfway mark now (I hope) Jay should be home in about two  months, I can't wait for him to get home, it's going to be so much fun doing the research together and hopefully going to a couple of RV shows. The Diesel Pusher model is definitely the front runner for me and I think Jay is of the same opinion, it's the options, length, year built and price that we have to think about now. I know our rig is out there somewhere.
Keep checking back and follow our journey, we may find a few bumps along the way, but we will get there eventually :-)

A little background.....

Still unsure about Jay's date for coming home, he says there is a 'fair' chance he will be home for our anniversary, but who knows what that means :-) It's not like we haven't been 'here' before. during his 23 years of active duty, we have been separated for a lot of special occasions. We can usually make up for them when he comes home. We have even been known to have Christmas in February, when the boys were little, it really didn't matter to them. During this deployment, we will have missed Valentines, my Birthday, his Birthday and possibly our Anniversary. We will have a lot of 'making up' to do :-)

While I am still here in Calgary staying with our wonderful friends Chris and Tina I will tell you a little of our history with them. I met Tina back home in England, I think it was around 1984, she came to work at Orbro, a retail warehouse, for the Christmas season. I was already working there full time. I really didn't take to Tina at first, but we are the kind of friends now that can go years without seeing each other, but when we do it's like almost no time has gone by. It's funny, we were talking the other day and neither of us can pin down the date we last saw each other! Tina persuaded me to go to W.Germany with her almost 26 yrs ago to the day, she had been there before and had worked for a US military family as a nanny to their children. I was a little hesitant about doing this, but I realised that this would probably be the last time I would get an opportunity to do something 'different'. I promised myself I would give it a year and then come home to England and 'grow up'!

I found a position with a great family, two children ages 7 and 4, I enjoyed the job, but it was hard work, I wasn't just a nanny, I was more like an Au-pair! I did everything! Washing, cooking, cleaning and taking care of the kids, all for $50 a week! But, that is where I met Jay, it was on June 14th 1986, he actually dated another British nanny (one of our friends) for a couple of days, then she decided he wasn't her type ( I still tease him about that!) so, I got him :-) We started out with one dance and have been together ever since! We got engaged the following Jan 6th and married May 23rd:-) We stayed in Germany until Jay's tour was over in 1990. We had our first Son Nathan there in April 1988. we also introduced Chris to Tina at dinner one night in 1988 at our home, they have been together ever since too, they now have two children, Jamie who is almost 20 and Katie who just turned 14. They just celebrated 22 years of happy marriage in February. They are now citizens of Canada and just love it here. It is a beautiful Country and full of open spaces, I doubt they will ever leave. We have plans to bring our home on wheels here for visits whenever we can. Jay calls Tina and I 'Sisters', not by birth, but because we chose to be! We like that!

After our oldest Son, Nathan. Tina was the first person I called when we got the call that our youngest Son Matthew, had passed away at college in Nov' last year. Immediately she wanted to be with us, but Jay persuaded her to delay her coming until the week he was leaving for deployment (Jan 2nd) She came and spent 10 days with me in Charleston and ended up bringing me back to Canada with her, I will always be grateful for her love and thoughtfulness and in taking care of me while Jay has been gone. Love you sis! xx

We make plans and God laughs!

I guess that will teach us huh! Jay called and said his replacement is going to get there later than we thought. No idea how much later, but hopefuly only a week or so. I still have hope that he will get home in time for our 25th Anniversary on May 23rd, I have to remember this is the military though, things don't always happen when they say they will :-) There is 'our' time, then there is "Military time'. It will be fine, everything will work out, it usually does.

My plans to fly back to SC haven't changed, maybe i can start getting rid of some of our 'stuff' while I am waiting on Jay. It would be nice if I can get started on that. I will be back on April 16th. I will have at least a month or so to do as much as I can, I am thinking about calling around a few childrens homes, to see if they would like some of Matthew's toy collections, I would rather do that than put them in a yard sale, I know Jay would be ok with that too.

I will be back to add more soon. Just wanted to let everyone know the latest on the news from Jay :-)
huggs kim x